Memories
by queen-of-the-arts
Summary: Zuko's Uncle Iroh wakes in the night and remembers some of the events of his life. I wrote it to answer some of the questions I had about his past. I'm sure they'll be addressed later in the show, but they're just what I thought of.
1. Pyra

_Note: I came up with this idea before they ever aired "Zuko Alone", so that's why parts of this are inaccurate. I liked it though so I decided to leave it as it is. Just to clear up any confusion with names, since I left my original names in… Pyra is my equivalent of Ursa and Jin (which means "treasure") is Lu Ten. Hope you enjoy my ideas for what Iroh's past could have been like!_

The old man passed silently back and forth, back and forth, almost like a specter in the dark. The sound of his feet upon the steel floor of the ship was the only sound. His body was there, in his room, but his mind was miles away, haunted by memories of a time gone by. Suddenly he stopped, his gaze fixed straight ahead, seeing in the darkness, specters of the past and listening to voices only he could hear.

_"Iroh, I'm so sorry! My… my father made his choice. I'm to marry Ozai," her voice trembled as she spoke. He quickly looked away so that she might not see the hurt in his eyes. He knew that she had no choice in the matter, but it hurt to have his brother chosen instead of him nonetheless. _

_"Please… don't be angry," she said softly as she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You know this isn't what I want but… but I have no choice," she said, her voice breaking slightly as a few silent tears trickled down her pale cheek. _

_"I know," he replied with a sigh. "I… I don't know what to say." His voice was barely above a whisper now as he looked at the woman he loved so dearly. Her tall, willowy body trembled slightly, but she still held her head high, proud and noble. Even in her sadness, it was obvious that she was a princess and a formidable woman. Her long raven hair was pulled back away from her face in a long braid that fell to the center of her back, except for one stray wisp of hair that fell into her dark, almond eyes. _

_He pushed the single strand behind her ear and kissed her forehead ever so gently as he drew back. "Pyra… I… I…" he wanted to say something to her, something to comfort her, something to ease their sorrows, but no words would come. He drew her into a fond embrace and held her for a long moment in silence. They both let their tears fall freely, mingling with those of the other as they stood motionless, clinging to each other in the dark and lonely night. _

He blinked back the stinging tears that threatened to trickle down his finely wrinkled cheek and looked around him, seeing for the first time where he was. It took a moment for the fact to register that he was back on his nephew's ship. He was banished from his home and helping his nephew, the prince of the Fire Nation to hunt down the Avatar and he was twenty years older! He had only been remembering. Twenty years… could it really have been that long ago?

The old man shook his head as if to shake the thoughts away. He slipped on a scarlet robe and walked silently toward the ship's galley. As he moved silently through the corridor his thoughts returned, unbidden, to the first women he'd ever loved.

_Two young men stood on either side of the Fire Lord's throne looking towards the door of the immense audience chamber. It creaked open slowly and a small man, made to look even smaller next to the huge oaken door, slipped inside. "May I present the Princess Pyra?" he said and waved his hand toward the door with a flourish. The door creaked open a second time and a beautiful young woman stepped inside and stood before the throne, curtseying gracefully before looking up towards the two young men with a small smile. _

_The younger of the two brothers stepped forward and walked slowly around the young woman, making quite a production of looking her over, though it was plain from the look on his face that he was quite taken with her already! The older boy stayed back, a little behind his father's throne and watched intently, eyes twinkling merrily. _

_"Where are your manners, my sons? Introduce yourselves," the Fire Lord said as he too sized up the young woman before them with his eyes. The younger brother nodded and stood before the princess bowing deeply. "I am Ozai." He smiled confidently and then stepped aside as his older brother stepped forward to introduce himself as well. _

_Iroh's face was a little flushed and his throat felt dry as he bowed to the lovely young woman. "My name is Iroh. I am very pleased to meet you," he said softly as he backed away shyly, eyes on the ground. _

_The princess nodded politely. "It is a pleasure to meet you both," she said smiling in Iroh's direction. "It is honor to meet you as well, my lord," she said kneeling before the Fire Lord. _

"_The pleasure is all mine, my dear," he said. "Now shall we go to dinner?" he asked rising and leading the way to the dining hall. The princess got to her feet and made to follow. Ozai quickly offered his elbow and grinned as she took his arm and they walked toward the dining room. Iroh felt his face flush angrily as Ozai turned his head and winked at his brother while the young woman's eyes took in all the intricacies of the palace around her. He said nothing, however, and followed behind them._

_If he'd thought meeting this princess was awkward business then the dinner was ten times worse! His anger burned hotter and fiercer as he was forced to watch his brother flirtatiously converse with the lovely young woman. The musical sound of her laughter pained his ears as the mingled with hoarse laughter of his brother. Through it all, of course, their father sat there beaming. He was so proud of his youngest son, winning over the young lady so easily. He was always so proud of Ozai! No matter what he did he was always showered with praise. Iroh felt his stomach tying itself in knots and his breath was starting to catch in his throat. "May I please be excused?" he asked getting to his feet. His father nodded and he hurried out into the palace gardens. _

_She found him sitting on a small wooden bridge overlooking a pond of lilies. His feet were dangling in the cool water and his gaze was far off into the distance. "May I sit down?" she asked politely. He nodded and she sat beside him and turned her gaze off into the distance as well. "Are you alright?" she asked after sitting silently for a few moments. "You seemed rather upset when you left."_

"_I'm fine," he said quietly. Not knowing what else to say they sat there, together, in silence for a while. At last, he could feel the anger draining from him and he turned to her. He wanted to say something to her but wasn't sure what. Then the question he'd been pondering all day came back to him. "So why did your family decide to send you here?"_

_She looked a little wistful as she answered, "They've arranged for me marry one of you and form an alliance between our kingdoms." _

"_Ah, I see," he said with a sigh. "It's always political, isn't it?" he said with a frown. "I'm sorry, princess. I'm sure it must be hard to be separated from your family and sent to a foreign kingdom to marry someone you don't even know," he said after thinking quietly for a moment and trying to imagine what she must be feeling. _

"_Yes, a little," she sighed, looking out towards the horizon. "But perhaps it won't be so bad," she said forcing a smile. "Maybe I'll learn to like it here. I think I could learn to like you," she added smiling at him and chuckling as he flushed deep crimson. _

He suddenly realized that he wasn't really hungry after all and turned, almost automatically and headed up towards the ship's deck. He needed a breath of fresh air. That would clear his mind and help him get back to bed. As he slowly climbed the stairs his mind began, once again, to wander.

"_I'm sorry, my son. Ozai has proved himself to be more capable and better suited to rule the Fire Nation than you. He will succeed me as Fire Lord."_

"_My father has made his choice. I'm to marry Ozai."_

_It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair at all! First Ozai had robbed him of his rightful place on the throne and then Pyra's father had given her to him! Everything he held dear was being taken from him and given to his brother! _

_Rather than stay in the palace and be forced to watch his brother's happiness while he suffered in silence, he had decided to join his father's army. After several years of intense hard work and dedication his father finally promoted him to General. His first few missions went well, but then he was put in charge of capturing the mighty Earth Kingdom city of Bah Tsing Tsay._

_His men had fought their hardest but control of the city remained just out of their grasp! The warriors of the Earth Nation were proud, strong people who refused to give up and fought with everything they had in them! No matter what tactics he tried, he could not gain the upper hand. Then there was that fateful day…_


	2. Leela

He walked slowly across the deck enjoying the breeze. He took a deep breath and felt the cool air fill his lungs and slow his rapidly beating heart. He sighed heavily and looked over the railing into the water lapping softly at the side of the ship.

_Water… water… someone was pouring cool water into his mouth and a gentle hand was mopping his forehead with a damp cloth. He blinked slowly and let his vision come back into focus. He was astonished to see the face of a woman bent over him with concern in her large eyes. "You were wounded. We didn't think anyone was alive after that massacre! Some of the other healers and I were helping to gather the bodies of the fallen and we found you lying there. At first I thought you were… well… but then I saw your chest rise and fall. I've never been so grateful in all my life!" she said and a huge grin spread across her freckled face. "I'm Leela. What's your name, soldier?"_

_He smiled weakly. He was surprised to see anyone so happy to find a soldier alive. After six hundred days, people of all nations had come to hate the soldiers! They just wanted them gone! "I'm General Iroh," he said, his voice slightly hoarse as he grimaced and clutched his side._

_"Oh be careful! That wound is deep," she said softly as she gently moved his hand away from his bandaged side. "You're lucky to be alive," she added softly. Suddenly it hit him! The battle… had they won the battle? Was the city finally under Fire Nation control? _

_"The battle… did we conquer the city?" he asked urgently. The young woman's eyes darkened and she looked toward the ground._

_"I'm sorry," she said. "It was a massacre. The Earth Nation troops were just too strong and they had the advantage of knowing the city. It was a disaster," she said sadly. _

_"Oh," was all he could manage to say. This was a crushing blow! This was to be the battle to end all battles! This was the victory that he needed to make his name famous throughout the Fire Nation! This battle would have restored his glory and earned him the respect of his nation. How could he lose? First he lost his throne. Then he lost his love and now this! Would things never go right for him? He lay his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes to keep the tears of frustration from showing. _

_"Rest now," she said softly and gently patted his shoulder. "We'll talk more tomorrow, when you're stronger. Don't worry, soldier," she said and gave his arm a little squeeze. That was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep. His dreams however afforded him no rest! _

_His nightmares were terrible! In his dreams he saw the faces of the ranks of men his errors in judgment had sent to their deaths! Their ghastly visages chased him about shouting curses and words of hatred at him! _

_He shot up in bed sweating and panting heavily! She was there in an instant, sitting on the foot of his bed with her arms around his shoulders. "It's alright. I'm here now. Don't be frightened! It was just a dream. It's over now," she whispered as she rocked back and forth with him in her arms as the tears streamed down his cheeks and he told her about the nightmare! "I know it was awful but it's over now, soldier."_

_"No! It'll never be over! That's just it! I'll always carry the memory of my failure with me! Every night I'll be haunted by the faces of those boys and every morning I'll have to wake up hating myself!"_

_Her hazel eyes burned into his as her lips tightened. She said nothing for a few moments then she took his face in her hands. "Now you listen to me," she said, her voice quiet but firm. "You did not fail! You did NOTHING wrong! You did the best you could, all of you boys did! You fought your hardest but the Earth Nation had the advantage. You can't hold it against yourself! Tell me what could you have done different if you had the chance to do it again?" Her eyes were intense and serious as she waited for him to answer._

_"I… I could have… well," he stammered trying to think of something! "N… nothing I guess," he said after several moments. "I did all that I could," he said with a heavy sigh._

_"There. You see? You did your best. That's all anyone can ever ask of you! Besides life is too short to spend it moping about something that you can't change," she said, her face softening. "All you can do now is put it behind you and move on with your life. Yes, it will take time and a great amount of effort, but you can get through it!" Her eyes were suddenly warm and kind again, all the intense feeling gone. "I'll help you," she said softly, stroking the side of his face gently, "I promise."_

_They were married shortly afterward. She was the gem of his life, his pride and joy! Those had been the happiest days of his life! _


	3. Ozai

He slowly dragged himself away from the railing and looked around. He was half startled to see that he was aboard a Naval vessel… cold, hard iron… a ship made for hunting down enemies and capturing them! It all felt so ruthless and unfeeling. Unfeeling… like his brother!

_The letter had arrived early in the morning, the letter from Pyra requesting that he return home. She had some bad news for him. His father had passed away. Ozai was Fire Lord now. _

_He was shocked! His father was gone? It didn't seem possible! His thoughts quickly turned to her request. What should he do? Should he return to the Fire Nation? He was happy here in the little village he'd come to think of as home, but then wasn't he a loyal citizen of the Fire Nation, a prince? Was it really right for a prince to stay hidden away in some little village instead of living amongst his own people? Didn't he have an obligation to them, to his family, to come home? It didn't matter. He would make the decision later. What was important was to return home for his father's funeral!_

_When he stepped through those immense oaken doors of the audience chamber a week later and looked up at the new Fire Lord, he felt a strange feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He never should have come! That look in his brother's eyes was all too familiar. He had never personally been the target of it before but he had seen it often enough to recognize it for what it was… disgust, disdain, a look of utter contempt was etched into every feature of Ozai's face! _

_Iroh knelt in front of his brother and waited for him to speak. " So you have finally chosen to return. I must say I didn't expect to see you again. We took you for dead when you failed to return from Bah Tsing Tsay," he said, his voice silky. "Then the next news we had of you, they said you'd married a peasant and we're living in some tiny hovel healing the locals," he laughed loudly and elbowed his brother. "Of course we didn't believe a word of it! I knew you better than that! You'd never stoop to such depths," he said. As Iroh watched his brother's face turned stony again. "But then it was confirmed by several other sources. You really had sunk that low, not to mention your defeat at Bah Tsing Tsay cost us that entire Earth kingdom! Without control of that city we didn't have a chance! All our other plans were foiled!" _

_Then Ozai bent down next to his brother's ear. "You're lucky I don't have you thrown in the dungeon as a traitor! If you failed your mission, you were supposed to report back here; instead you remained in the Earth Kingdom. You could have been doing anything during that time. How do we know you didn't turn against us and join the Earth Nation? You've been gone an awfully long time after all…people might get suspicious," he said, though it was obvious he knew Iroh had done nothing of the sort. "Yet, as my brother, I'll spare you… this time," he sneered. Then he straightened up and walked briskly from the room, leaving Iroh confused and angry._

_From then on things were always different between the two of them. Ozai treated him fairly enough but Iroh could always sense an undercurrent of disdain behind his brother's words. He had lost his brother's respect and no matter what he tried he couldn't seem to win it back. _

"_Iroh, why don't you just leave? You don't have to stay here and allow your brother to treat you this way," Leela had said to him one night as they lay in bed talking. He frowned and was silent for a time. "I cannot leave," he said at last. "This is my home. These are my people. I am a prince after all," he said quietly. "It wouldn't be right to abandon them. I may not be the Fire Lord but I still have a responsibility to them. Besides, I can't leave my family and friends. Everyone I care for is here."_

"_Pyra?"_

"_Wh…what? No… I mean yes…err… it's not like that anymore," he said flushing a deep scarlet. "I care for her, yes, but not the way that I used to. She's like a sister to me," he said looking over at his wife. "You ought to know that my heart belongs only to you and Jin!"_


	4. Jin

_Jin…Jin… his greatest treasure… his beloved son! He'd been so happy when Leela told him that he was going to be a father! Soon after he'd stood by her bedside holding her hand and mopping her glistening forehead with a cool cloth. It was a long and difficult birth! He'd begun to worry about her when at last the baby came! The midwife then wrapped it in a blanket and handed it to him announcing that he had a son. Oh how happy he'd been! He'd never felt a thrill quite like it in all his life! This was his son, his own flesh and blood! He kissed the tiny infant and then turned to his wife. "What should we call him?" he asked and then stopped suddenly. Something was wrong! She wasn't moving or even looking at him! Her eyes were closed and her body was limp! She was dead…_

_He never quite got over the loss of his beloved wife. He'd mourned her loss for months, speaking to no one, eating nothing, and barely sleeping! The only thing that could seem to bring him out of the deep pit of grief that he had fallen into was his infant son whom he'd named Jin which means "treasure". _

Iroh blinked back tears that were now trickling down his finely wrinkled cheeks. He'd lost both of the loves of his life, one to his brother and one to the angel of death. He sighed heavily as he turned his gaze back out to sea.

The old man then leaned against the iron railing and closed his eyes to picture the face of his only child. A slim, angular face with pale skin and dark hair tied back in a long ponytail that was typical of firebender youths, an aquiline nose, full lips, and a mischievous smile, that was what he saw when he thought of Jin, the face of a young man of eighteen.

Then his mental picture moved past the boy's face. He was wearing a suit of armor and a glistening sword hung at his side. He was standing in a row with dozens of other soldiers all waiting for instructions from one man… a general they called Iroh.


	5. Life and Death

He shook his head as if to clear the memories from his mind and turned and walked down the steps. He wanted to check on his nephew. Every night, like clockwork, he would slip from his bed and go to the prince's chambers. He would peek in the door and make sure that he was sleeping comfortably.

The old man peered through the slightly open door. Zuko was sleeping soundly, his breathing even and deep. His eyelashes fluttered a little in some dream that would likely not even be remembered when he awoke. Iroh watched him in silence for a few moments before his thought turned to memories once more.

_He paced the floor anxiously waiting to hear the news. What was taking so long in there? Was she alright? Was the child a boy or a girl? At last the midwife emerged from the chambers of the Fire Lord and his Queen. "It's a boy! The mother is doing fine and your brother couldn't be happier," she said with a smile. "You may go in now," she said as she held the door open for him. _

_The battle had begun well but somewhere along the way it had gone horribly wrong! The ground was strewn with the bodies of the dead and dying. He searched frantically for Jin! He'd gone with the others to attack the great wall surrounding the great city. The only problem was that the surrender had been given but Jin had not returned! Where was he? He could be anywhere… wounded… dead for all his father knew! He rushed frantically about searching for the young prince! _

"_Father," he'd heard a weak voice call out to him. He looked around and saw no one. Then he looked down at his feet. There was Jin, lying in a pool of mud and blood. His handsome face was contorted in agony as he gazed up at his father. Iroh knelt beside him and took the boy's hand in his, it was quivering. "Don't be frightened, my boy. Everything's going to be fine," he whispered softly as he gave his son's hand a little squeeze. _

"_Father," he'd whispered, his voice hoarse and weak. "I think I'm dying." _

"_Nonsense, you'll be fine," Iroh had told him though he could see the boy's heaving chest slowing down. _

"_Father… don't worry… I'm not afraid," he whispered, his voice barely audible now. _

"_Jin… I… please," he'd whispered through his tears._

"_It's alright father. Please… don't weep for me… I… I'll always be with you. Don't… don't you remember what you once told me… you said… you said that mother was dead but not really. You said that she lived… in our hearts…well….that's where I'll be," he whispered as his eyes finally blinked closed for the last time._

_He'd walked into the Fire Lord's chambers and hugged his brother merrily! "Congratulations," he told him and then hugged Pyra. She was holding a crying infant in her arms. The boy had a tiny shock of raven hair and bright golden eyes. Iroh smiled down at the little baby. "He's a handsome baby," he told Pyra with a proud grin. _

"_You can hold him if you'd like," she said quietly and held the crying child out to his uncle. Iroh carefully took hold of the infant who gazed up at him and almost instantly stopped crying. Iroh laughed slightly and kissed the little child's forehead. "What are you calling him?" he'd asked._

"_His name is Zuko."_

He walked silently over to where the young prince lay sleeping and bent over him gently kissing him on the forehead. Zuko stirred in his sleep and his eyelashes fluttered open. "What is it, Uncle?" he asked sleepily. Iroh had so many things that he wanted to say to the young man! He wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, how much he loved him! He wanted to tell him how he'd lost one son but gained another!

"Is everything alright, Uncle?" Zuko asked again as his eyes began to flutter closed once again.

"It's nothing, Prince Zuko. Go back to sleep."


End file.
